you hollow out my hungry eyes.

Disillusioned

“Please try to understand,” you plead.

I can feel your hesitation as you attempt to look into my eyes, but my gaze has not left the smooth handle of the coffee cup resting on the edge of the circular glass table that separates us. I can hear your words blowing passively in the wind, feel them softly stroke my cheek as they gradually make their way up to my ears, and form a home inside my head. My eyes move slowly from my cup, delicately crossing the table to you, stopping abruptly at your mouth. My heart swells in my chest at the sight of your perfectly sculpted lips. I remember the way they pressed firmly against mine for the first time years ago, catching me off guard. My mind wanders as I recall how you tentatively took my hand in yours, wrapped your other arm around my waist like a vine snaking around a lightpost, and pulled me in close. You leaned to the right a bit so your mouth was centimeters from my ear and parted your lips, your breath warm against my skin. My ear tickled as you spoke those three words. Was it really so long ago?

Lost in memories, I realize your lips have been dancing, trying to tell me something, but I do not hear a sound. I attempt to make out your words, but they sail from your mouth and hit the tiled floor beneath us. I think I can hear the collisionas they fall, but I am uncertain. Is it raining? I glance out the window crafted in the wall behind you, consumed with thoughts of the weather and wonder if I am losing my mind. The clouds have taken over the horizon line, but there is not a water droplet in sight. I close my eyes, engulfed in doubt and confusion, and try to collect my thoughts.

My eyes flash open as your fist smacks hard against the table. What are you doing? Your lips are moving rapidly now. I shake my head and try to refocus my eyes on your mouth, and strain to hear your muffled words, so lost to reality. You abruptly reach out and grab my chin, forcing my eyes to meet yours. A wave of distress crashes over me, as I notice an intensity and anger that I have never seen before in your usually peaceful, ocean-blue eyes. I can feel the saline start to stream down my face, and shamefully move my eyes to the ground. There they stay, as your words finally hit my chest.

“I don’t love you anymore.”

Your fingers loosen their grip on my chin and softly graze my cheek. I open my lips to protest the words I never expected to hear, but before I can get a sound out, you’re gone, and I am left here disillusioned, with nothing but a coffee cup to console me.

04.24.12 ♥ 0

i tried to forget you,

but your hands reached out to me;

your fingers twisted and turned,

forming roots around my soul.

04.24.12 ♥ 2

Zoom

04.24.12 ♥ 3754

Source Reblogged

L O FUCKING L

04.03.12 ♥ 0

do you ever wonder..will anyone ever really know me?

we all show ourselves to others, but how much we show is up to us.

we might show them a part of ourselves, a scratch on the surface of who we are. but this is only a magnified, better version of who we really are. this is the level everyone knows us at, the part that we show when we first meet someone, or when we don’t want to get too close.

then again, we might dig a little deeper, open up a tad. maybe share a secret or two. “testing the waters” of our trust, i suppose. in doing so, we show that we are human. we are not perfect. we express that we have made a few mistakes along the road of life. people start to understand us a little better when we do this. maybe they realize why we do some of the things we do, or say some of the things we say, when they see past the shiny, magnified surface of ourselves.

even more so, we might go even deeper. tell someone our life story. explain our feelings about things. express our thoughts without feeling like we have to put on some kind of show. maybe someone is let in, and breaks past the surface, and past the wall we have put up. they see us for who we are, and don’t turn away. they SEE us. they UNDERSTAND us. but even so..

do they really know us?
can anyone really know YOU?

how far do you have to go for someone to fully KNOW you? there will always be things no one knows. even if you tell someone your life story, explain everything and every choice you’ve made, do they know you? they only know your version of the story. they don’t know your heart, your soul, your inner most thoughts and feelings. there are things that we as people just can’t put into words. i can’t describe how my heart aches, or bursts, or melts in certain situations. there aren’t words for some feelings we have. and how can anyone explain the NEED to be known, and the sadness in knowing that no one will ever FULLY know you? no one will ever be in your head. and now matter how close someone gets..

they are still so far from the core of you.

03.16.12 ♥ 0

Artist: Lights

Song: Toes

Album: Siberia

Plays: 1,432